i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
