Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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