And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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