I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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