i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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