This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
