I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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