I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
