I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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