before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
