Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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