she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
