I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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