Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
