I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
