You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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