i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
