And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!