Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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