I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize