if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together