Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
