her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.