i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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