No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
