Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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