are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
