The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
