so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
