You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
