Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
