Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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