I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
