My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
