no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
