This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
