you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
