Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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