And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
