I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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