I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
