OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
