i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
