I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize