none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
