A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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