I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
