The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
