Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize