My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
