We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
