It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
