i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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