swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
