I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
