everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
