I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
