what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
