I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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