And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
