we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
