i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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