my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
