I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
