I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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