..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
