oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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