I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
