I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
