That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i think i just lost a toe
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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