hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
