I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
