4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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