Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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