I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Alive.
So much puke
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
