you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
