Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
