I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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