I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you traded sex for a burrito?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
