I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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